Delicious Irony
by Tama Saga
Summary: Kasumi's latest dish is to die for. Oh My. XD. Chapter 2 doesn't add anything special. It just ties up a loose end.
1. The Devilish Dish

_Kasumi's latest dish is to die for._

Delicious Irony  
by MingShun

-o-o-o-o-o-

I don't own Ranma. The honors belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I wish to borrow her characters for this story. I don't intend to make a profit from it.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Kasumi stared at the latest mess in the kitchen. Ruined pots and pans were strewn everywhere. Brown hairy gunk was dripping off the walls. A green slime covered the floor. And the sink...even she didn't think that the kitchen's cupboards contained enough dishes to create a tower that high.

This was the third day in a row that Akane had wanted to cook, and the mess was just as bad as ever. The eldest Tendo sister let out a sigh before she turned to eye an oddly shaped bottle that was lying amidst a haphazard pile of spice containers. Reaching over to upright the dripping plastic container, she read the label before wondering where in her kitchen she had stored this bottle of -beep- poison. Nothing came to mind.

Giving another sigh, she turned and bent down to pick up one of the discarded frying pans. Without even examining it, she knew that this frying pan wasn't useable anymore. Before throwing it out, she took a close look at it. The odd holes that peppered the bottom of the steel pan seemed to be the direct result of a shotgun accident. But that's just silly right?

She found the firearm in the refrigerator a half an hour later.

**-o-o-(The Next Day)-o-o-**

"Sorry Kasumi!"

"I'm a bit busy Kasumi."

"When will lunch be ready, Kasumi?"

"Could you clean up the mess from the new hole in the roof Kasumi?"

"Kasumi, it's raining. Are those the clothes that you hung up this morning?"

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Dinner is ready," Kasumi nervously called out.

Despite calling out in a volume that made mice seem loud, minutes later, the Saotome and Tendo family had gathered at the dinner table indicating that their hunger was far too sharp for any mention of food to go unnoticed.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Kasumi, this tastes strange," Soun finally said.

Kasumi sat up ramrod straight, her eyes wide in fear. "Ah! I'm sorry father. I put the -beep- poison in too early, I was afraid to try it afterwards," she said before she picked at her untouched plate.

She looked up and blinked.

Everyone except Akane was staring at her in confusion, so she decided to add, "I tried to put in the proper amount of seasoning, but I suppose they were not balanced correctly."

"Oh," Soun finally said. Everyone returned to their dish and continued to eat. It's true that it tasted strange and contained poison, but after three days of Akane's cooking, this was heaven.

Their eyes suddenly bugged out.

"Akane!" Almost everyone shouted at the same time as they turned just in time to see the youngest Tendo girl bonelessly fall over.

**-Thunk.-**

"Hurry! Someone call an ambulance," Nabiki shouted as she ran to her sister's side.

The energy from her surprise evaporated in an instant. "Nevermind. It's too late," she coolly said as she pulled her fingers away from her younger sister's wrist.

The group was silent for a moment as they looked to one another for advice. This level of weirdness exceeded anything they had seen before.

Nabiki finally spoke up. "You know...I really don't know whether I should damn her cooking or praise it."

The others promptly returned their gaze to the one that the middle Tendo sister was referring to.

Off to the side and forgotten, Kasumi had a hand to her lips. "I think I did a bad thing," she whispered.

-o-o-(Fin)-o-o-

A/N:

The shotgun was a red herring. It's in there to obscure the true killer.

Why did shotgun pellets manage to break through a steel frying pan? Because it can. For those of you who want a better answer, Akane's cooking somehow weakened the bottom of the pan first. Then the shotgun went off.

Irony on so many levels, really delicious. Akane dies because she doesn't ever try her own cooking. The writer of the story that I derived this from is an Akane fan. Akane dies from an ingredient that she had somehow conjured up the previous night. No guns were used. The list goes on.

The -beep-? Censoring. After all, I'm sort of eating my own words when I write this. It's DIFFERENT because something completely unexpected happens, but some twats will say otherwise.

Credits to Hairann for his story "Oh My."


	2. Reverb

Delicious Irony  
by MingShun

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Hmm...a friend reviewed. While I was less than happy with his report, I have to agree that I was a bit callous with how I dealt with Akane's death.

So I came up with a solution in the shower. Its twice as callous, but provides a reason for why both families are so calm about Akane's death.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Chapter Reverb

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Hmm, so this is what we've figured out we can do so far." Nabiki said as she looked over her list.

"Option 1, suggested by Neesan, is to turn her in and give Akane a funeral."

"Yes," Kasumi said as she stood up. She was promptly grabbed from behind by Ranma and Soun, giving her no chance to reach the phone.

"No way!" the rest of the crowd shouted.

Nabiki scratched off that option with a pencil. "Okay...option 2, Ranma's suggestion is to say nothing and bury Akane's body."

"The readers want vindication." Soun shouted.

"Who the heck cares about them?" Ranma shouted back as he struggled to break free of the ropes binding him.

"Stop breaking the fourth wall," Nabiki coolly said before she looked down at her list again. "Option 3, suggested by Father, is to send Ranma to save her again." She looked up. "Don't we have to kill him first?"

"Kasumi, where did you hide that shotgun?" Soun asked his daughter.

"Don't I get a say in this?!" Ranma shouted from his spot.

Nabiki returned to the list. "While we're looking for the firearm, Option 4, suggested by Uncle Saotome, is to trade Ranma for Akane." She looked up again, "Does anyone know how to make a contract with death?"

"The master might, he is very old after all," Soun commented thoughtfully.

"Yo, this ain't cool," Ranma shouted as he fought to break free from the ropes binding him.

"And...Option 5 is to unite the 7 dragonballs and then ask the dragon to bring my sister back to life." Nabiki casually said.

"They exist?" Ranma dumbly asked.

"Of course not," Nabiki shot back as she scratched off that option. Ironic really, she was the one that had suggested the idea in the first place.

Nabiki huffed and looked at the list once again. "Option 6...we don't have one yet."

She stared at the list and hmmed thoughtfully for a moment. "So our best bet is to," She looked up, "Where's Ranma?"

Everyone else looked at the spot where the pigtailed boy should have been tied up. He was gone.

"Genma!" Soun roared. "You were supposed to be watching him."

"I'm sorry my friend! I only took my eyes off of him for a minute," Genma cried, as he used the Crouch of the Wild Tiger on his friend. "Oh woe is me, to be cursed by such a cowardly son."

"Who's cowardly?" Ranma demanded as he suddenly appeared and headbutt his father. The fat man flew away.

"Amazing," Soun said with a stern face. "To revise the Goshin Dai Ryuusei Fu on such short notice so that you can vanish without using the opening move, the special cloth, nor your hands. Your skills are truly commendable Ranma Saotome." Soun cried as he stepped forward. "I am almost sorry that I have to kill you so that you can save Akane."

"Bring it on," Ranma taunted, confident in his ability to win despite being tied up.

"Can I go to the police station now?" Kasumi quietly asked.

Everyone froze in place. "NO!" they shouted.

-o-o-o-o-o-


End file.
